Sunday, January 20, 2008
Sun Oak Baptist Church

Introduction

        Please note: the outline for this message has been derived from The Four Rules of Communication which is one of the modules taught in the Biblical Counseling Training Conference (Track 1 of 6) offered every February by Faith Baptist Church of Lafayette, Indiana – www.faithlafayette.org. We highly recommend this conference. It is an outstanding experience.

        3 additional resources that we recommend in the area of communication are: the book War of Words by Dr. Paul Tripp; Strengthening your Marriage by Dr. Wayne Mack; and The Exemplary Husband by Dr. Stuart Scott.

        Remember the incredible power of the tongue; the fact that James says no man can tame it; the idea that even though it is incredibly small, like the rudder on a ship or a horse bridle, even though it is so small it can cause us so much trouble. See how little a spark that starts a forest on fire.

        The first step of solving the tongue problem is understanding how big the problem really is. If we can’t see the problem in ourselves; if we don’t think we have the problem – we will get nowhere in solving the problem.

        Even though James says we can’t tame it, God’s Word does assure that we can learn to bridle it – we can learn to re-direct our tongue with The 4 Rules of Communication. These rules provide 4 ways that we can learn to control and redirect our tongues and the 4 rules come right out of Eph. 4:25-32.

        How can we learn to bridle our tongues?

I. Rule #1: Be Honest. See Eph. 4:25.

        A. If we are going to be successful at bridling our tongues, the first         rule we must follow and live by is to be honest. We must put off lying         and put on honesty.

        B. In order to be honest we have to put off lying in all its forms, and         replace lying, put it off, by putting on honest speech.

        The principle of “putting off” and “putting on.” See Eph. 4:28.

                1. Being honest a command.

                2. Each one of us must speak.

II. Rule #2: Keep Current. See Eph. 4:26-27.

        Paul’s warning is don’t let the sun go down on our anger – keep current.

        A. Keeping current means not taking today’s problems into         tomorrow.

                1. Anger is a God-given emotion intended to help us solve                 problems biblically, and to solve them quickly.

                2.Anger itself is not sinful. There are numerous references to                 God being angry and Christ being angry. Psalm 7:11: “God is a                 just judge, and God is angry with the wicked every day.”

        Anger itself is not sinful it’s what we do with that anger, how we direct that anger, and what the anger is about. Most of the time people get angry because they are concerned about self. Examples: Esau and Jacob; Jonah; etc.

                3. Christ-like anger is not concerned about me. See Mark 3:1-                5; etc.

        B. Why is keeping current so important in the process of learning         how to bridle our tongue?

                1. We are told not to worry about tomorrow. See Matt. 6:34.

                2. When we don’t keep current conflicts go unresolved and a                 root of bitterness will inevitably begin to form. Unresolved sinful                 anger turns into bitterness and then we will find ourselves not                 keeping Rule #3.

                3. When we don’t keep current we give place to the devil

                4. Not keeping current hinders decision-making because our                 judgment is clouded by the past. As time goes by failing to solve                 today’s problems today distorts subsequent problems.

Conclusion